I gave Mel as much time as I could, but after an hour and a half the plastic bag was cutting into my fingers and I wanted a cup of tea. When I opened the door to the apartment I was greeted with an enthusiastic call from the bedroom:“There he is! Come fuck me!”“Oh, you’re awake. You could have called. I have a phone, you know.”“I thought you were having fun. Looking at statues and stuff.”I put my bags down on the kitchen worktop. We don’t usually yell at each other, but if you can’t have a nice yell in Italy then where the hell can you?“Looking at ... You’re an art history major!”“Flunked. Where the hell are you?”“Kitchen!”“That’s not where the fucking is!”Okay, so no tea for me. I hastily downed a glass of orange juice and reported for duty. Mel was no longer naked, but this was almost better. She was lounging on the bed in some very expensive looking white lingerie, including a teddy so transparent I only saw some floating stitches.“I showered,” she smiled. “But I’ll eat you. " You are a Caregiver, too," I replied, "so I would be honoured to serveas your First Officer, so don't worry about it, Magnolia."And then the two of us walked off to the holodeck to celebrateMagnolia's promotion. As soon as we'd entered it, I asked theStarmaster's A. !.:"Could you get me a farmyard scene?"We suddenly found ourselves on a farmyard, with a farmhouse and barn inthe distance"All right," Magnolia said, "now put a wagon in this field to our left,and a big haystack to our right, in front of the barn."The wagon and haystack promptly appeared."Now please give us a pair of pitchforks!" I asked, and they appeared onthe deck in front of us.As we grabbed them, Magnolia ordered:"Please save this program, computer."Once the program had been saved, we began baling the hay into the wagonwith the pitchfork. We kept on doing this for at least two hours,missing Captain Delta's retirement ceremony in the process. As I putthe last bit of hay in the wagon, the new second of the.
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